Down in The Bottomlands (and Other Places) by Harry Turtledove & L. Sprague de Camp

Author:Harry Turtledove & L. Sprague de Camp [Turtledove, Harry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: sf_fantasy
ISBN: 0-671-57835-9
Publisher: Baen Books
Published: 1999-03-14T05:00:00+00:00

The cop ordered: “Give your name and address to the bookholder.”

“Allister Park, 125 Isleif Street, New Belfast.”

The clerk filled out a blank; the cop added a few lines to it. Park and the cop went and sat down for a while, waiting. Park watched the legal procedure of this little court keenly.

The clerk called: “Thane Park!” and handed the form up to the judge. The cop went over and whispered to the judge. The judge said: “All women will kindly leave the courtroom!” There were only three; they went out.

“Allister Park,” said the judge, “you are marked with shameful outputting. How do you plead?”

“I don’t understand this, your honor — I mean your жrness,” said Park. “I wasn’t doing anything the other people on the beach weren’t.”

The judge frowned. “Knick Woodson says you afterthockly exposed-uh-” The judge looked embarrassed.

“You afterthockly output your — uh-” he lowered his voice. “Your navel,” he hissed. The judge blushed.

“Is that considered indecent?”

“Don’t try to be funny. It’s not in good taste. I ask you again, how do you plead?” Park hesitated a second. “Do you recognize the plea of non vult?”

“What’s that? Latin? We don’t use Latin here.”

“Well then — a plea that I didn’t mean any harm, and am throwing myself on the mercy of the court.”

“Oh, you mean a plea of good will. That’s not usually used in a freerighter’s court, but I don’t see why you can’t. What’s your excuse?”

“You see, your honor, I’ve been living out in Dakotia for many years, and I’ve rather gotten out of civilized habits. But I’ll catch on quickly enough. If you want a character reference, my friend Ivor MacSvensson will give me one.”

The judge’s eyebrows went up, like a buzzard hoisting its wings for the takeoff. “You ken Thane MacSvensson?”

“Oh, sure.”

“Hrrrmph. Well. He’s out of town. But — uh — if that’s so, I’m sure you’re a good burger. I hereby sentence you to ten days in jail, sentence withheld until I can check your mooding, and thereafter on your good acting. You are free.”

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